What Are They Looking For?

Do you ever wonder about the people who get abducted by aliens? I’m not talking about illegal Mexican farm workers. I’m talking about the type of aliens that fly around in UFO’s and presumably come from some other planet. What exactly are they looking for? They don’t seem to be abducting a very large cross-section of our culture. In fact, the abductions don’t seem to be happening in other countries either. So they can’t be doing any sort of cultural or biological study of humanity. They’re being way too selective for that. The aliens have to be looking for something very specific, because they seem to keep abducting the same types of people.

The vast majority of the people who are abducted by aliens are infrequently employed, lower income Caucasians living in rural areas or small towns. I’ve never heard of an African-American being abducted. I haven’t heard of any Hispanics, alien or otherwise, being abducted either. The abductions themselves seem to follow a general pattern as well.

A standard abduction scenario goes something like this: The subject is driving his or her pick-up truck down a deserted gravel road about 1:00 A.M. when all of a sudden there’s a bright light and the truck stops running. The subject is frozen in place and some supernatural force lifts them into the air and on into the spacecraft where they are poked and prodded for a while. The subject is then returned to their truck and hours or days have elapsed even though they have very little memory of the event.

Alternately, you can substitute the truck and gravel road with walking through the town park, or sitting at home watching television. One things for sure though, all the abductions happen in the middle of the night when the subjects are alone.

So what are the aliens looking for? Why do they keep abducting the same people over and over for years? Why aren’t the abducting businessmen and women? Why aren’t they abducting Hollywood actors and actresses? I think I’ve figured it out. The aliens are looking for beer.

Since they don’t have any money or I.D. they can’t buy the beer for themselves, so they have to find it some other way. They’re abducting people with beer! Just think about the circumstances surrounding the abductions. The people who’ve been abducted never mention that they’ve been drinking and they never say that their beer is missing when they are returned, but they don’t have to. They’re driving down a deserted gravel road in a pick-up truck in the middle of the night. To go a step further, it’s often a Friday or Saturday night. You know they’ve got beer. They’ve got a 12-pack in the cooler in the back of the truck or they’ve got a 6-pack sitting next to them in the cab. You know its true.

The aliens don’t want people; they want beer. They’ve figured out that poor white people driving alone in pick-up trucks on gravel roads in the middle of the night are probably going to have beer with them. That’s why they don’t abduct anyone else; they’re just playing the percentages. The odds of getting beer are just better than if they grab lawyers in Mercedes at 2:00 P.M. and there are too many witnesses if they show up at Sunday afternoon barbeques.

Date Added: 11-06-2006